Mysterious Companion: Exploring the Third Man Phenomenon with Iris Goldfeder

In this episode, Iris and Elaine share their near death experiences and how lucky they are to be alive and how they both might have had help from the other side. 
We'd LOVE to know what you think and if you've had anything close like this happen to you! It is that Spoooooky time of year too!

Iris Goldfeder is the owner and chief bottle washer for GasStoveCreative, which is is a full-service, holistic marketing company. We provide custom, boutique work for small, local businesses in the Lafayette, Indiana, area and beyond. We provide marketing and consultation services to small business owners who are lacking the time, skill-set, and resources needed to successfully market their business.
We specialize in brand marketing, traditional marketing services, podcast production, video production, animation, and more.

Iris shares part of her amazing entrepreneurial journey with some laughs along the way. She is about as real and raw as they come which makes people fall in love with her authenticity and her as a human being!
You're in for a treat when you listen to this spooky, cool episode!

MY MOTTO IS: “If you’re not online, you’re not an option!” (this is a pending ™)
To Learn more about Iris, visit her Website
Listen to her podcast, The Cook Book Podcast
Follow Iris on social media- Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn

Connect with your Host, Elaine Williams:
Check out Captivate the Mic Podcast on Elaine's YouTube Channel
Check out the Captivate the Crowd Website
Follow Elaine on Social- LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok
Want to schedule a free chat with Elaine? Click here to book a zoom date!

Transcript

0:08

I'm about to do my first episode of Captivate the Mic and I'm so excited. I have Iris coming on and she is such a great storyteller, fabulous personality and amazing business woman. If you know anybody who wants to work on their speaking, their camera presence, their podcast guesting, please share this with them because my goal is that they're It's funny, entertaining, but also that you walk away with actionable items that you can implement right away so that you can become a better speaker, a dynamic, charismatic, owning your badass in a fun, authentic way. This is the first episode of captivate the mic with Iris Goldfeder as my fabulous, amazing host, who is a marketing guru and has. Inspiring transformational stories. You're going to love this episode and we're so happy that you're here, please enjoy. Hello. I am so excited to have my very first guest on my first episode of Captivate the Mic, Iris Goldfeder. Iris, you are so amazing. You've done so many things. You're one of my heroes. You're so generous. And supportive and brilliant and fun. And I got to be the first guest on your first episode on your podcast. So it just seems absolutely perfect that we're doing it this way. thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. I'm really honored and flattered. Do you want to tell us, I, I love your origin story. I know that you had some trouble and now you're this really successful marketing guru, but it wasn't always this way. And so do you mind telling us a little bit about. Your evolution. Sure. So I was in the Bronx. I grew up in Queens. Woo. Yo for ourselves. And then we moved to Florida and I went to high school in Florida. Where I did not graduate because my mom moved in with her boyfriend and left the 15 year old to her own devices. Oh, Lord. Yeah. And so I didn't graduate. I did get my GED and I got really high scores on my GED, but I'm not a college graduate homeless when I was 19 years old, I've a hard beginning. There was a lot of shit that happened when I was younger seven, eight years old. And I guess we talk about all this stuff. My grandfather molested me for a year. And then I had another episode happened when I was 10 and and then moving to Florida. I was in boarding school and then we took me out of boarding school. I went to junior high school and Forest Hills for a year and then we moved to Florida. And it was just like this crazy time. And I was homeless when I was 19 and didn't really find myself. I think I had a rest of development and didn't really grow up, and I think everybody who's had a hard beginning at one time or another got to a point where it felt like it was too much. And I knew though it's I knew that I was meant for something greater. Don't ask me how I couldn't even begin to tell you, but I did and I reinvented myself. I met somebody online and moved to Illinois where I completely remade myself. And here we are 30 years later 25 years marketing experience. And just, I pinch myself some days. How am I not dead? How did I make it? And then, even after making it I know this is your favorite, story, but I had a guy tell me here to be less me. And I was what do you mean? And he goes you're a New Yorker and you're in a group with a bunch of introverts and so you should pull back a little. And I was like, huh I can be intense. Like I know I'm intense. Everyone tells me I could be a little intense. So I did, I pulled back and I got clients. But they weren't the right clients because as soon as they came out they were like, ah, and because I curse clearly, sorry. And as soon as I think my first F bomb came out, they were like, oh my God. And then I would lose them. And I finally looked at it and I was the hell am I doing? Work with me because They know my experience. They know my skill set. They know my brain. They want to work with me because they want to work with me. So finally I was like, screw it. I'm just going to be me. And here we are. I love it. Three years later. I love it. So many women I know, myself included, have been told from a very early age, you're too much. You're too much, but you're also not enough. You're too loud. You're too bubbly, pull it back. But then I also was told I wasn't good enough. And then, we keep going with that. I'm so grateful that you were able to, have that transformation. It's amazing. I feel like the universe sends you an angel and then you're like, Oh wait, I know I meant for so much more. Yeah. And I just had a rough start. Yeah. Did I ever tell you the road angel story? No, tell me. This was crazy. First off, I love how we're like, we did not coordinate this. We're not planning this, but we're ordering blue. Okay. So years ago, so I, I was homeless. And then I was with this homeless shelter. I'm not going to mention their name so anyway woman who ran the not for profit was a nun, Sister Amy, and we're still dear friends today. But after, I was homeless and they'd helped me, I always went to give back and she calls me up and she goes, the antenna on the roof is a little wonky. Can you come and fix it? And I said, sure, because. That's what I do. I like fix shit, right? Whether it's for my clients or just in life in general, I'm a fixer. So it was pouring and I'm in a little Fiero and I'm driving from, I think I was in like Levittown or something, but I was like driving from Levittown to. Baldwin and if you're from New York, Long Island, right? And so anyway, so I'm on Southern State Parkway and there's this like overpass, right? So it's like Southern State Parkway and then there's the Meadowbrook Parkway and there's this overpass and then when you get under the overpass, there's this hill because it goes up so that you can get on the Meadowbrook. I'm driving and it's pouring down rain and I'm in the left hand lane. And all of a sudden I fishtail and I spin three times and I end up horizontal on a three lane highway. Oh my gosh. And all the traffic stopped. Nothing hit me. And this great car pulls up next to me and this guy gets out and gets in my car. I don't let anybody strange in my car, right? This guy gets out, gets in my car. And he goes, you're okay. And he puts his hand on my shoulder and he goes, and I'm like, the car's not starting, the car's not starting. He goes, you're in drive. He goes, put the car in park and then put it back in drive and pull over to the, to the median, which is, or the, the shoulder, so I'm looking at him going, okay, and I put it in park and then I start the car again. And then I put it in drive and I pull over and it's boring, right? It's just like boring. So I have to go around his car and he, follows me onto the shoulder and then a hill, and then I was like, Thank you. And then all of a sudden the traffic starts moving. So it was time stop. It was the weirdest thing. The traffic is moving and I'm like, cause I'm still in shock at this point. You're stunned. And he goes, you're okay. And I went, yeah, I said, thank you. And mind you, there's a strange guy in my car. Now, after somebody. Who's been through what we've been through. We don't trust guys. He had a hat, like almost like a fedora and a raincoat kind of thing. I don't know. Anyway. So he puts his hand on my shoulder again and he says, you're okay. He said, give yourself about five minutes. Cause I had to get on the Meadowbrook to get to the house. So he goes, in five minutes, just hop back on the ramp and you'll be good. And I went, okay. And he gets out of the car and he gets in his car and he leaves. And I'm like, Oh crap. I never got to thank him. So I get out of my car. There's no tire tracks. It was like that car was never there. So I'm like, what the fuck just happened? So I, get the sister Amy's and she opens the door and she's are you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost. I was like, I don't know what I just saw. And so I told her what happened and she said, Oh, it was a road angel. I said, What do you mean a road angel? She goes, You probably would have died if there's somebody watching out for you because that was a road angel. If you were meant to see that person and thank that person, they would have still been there, but there was no track of them. I didn't even see his car leave it was the worst. Oh my gosh, Iris, and I just know, I, I lived in New York City and I drove all over the place for comedy and speaking and the traffic is next level intense. Oh, it's nuts. So that, yeah. That is a miraculous story. And you know what is so crazy? Last night, I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts, my favorite murder. And they were talking about this phenomenon called third person when, and it's when people are in some kind of really dangerous situation, a person will appear and talk them through it. So it happened to this guy during nine 11 he was in the stairwell and he was laying down because there was so much smoke and there were fires and yeah, goosebumps. And he's he's done all the things he's trying to help people and he's stuck. He was laying down and then this voice said, you can do this. Let's go. So he made it all the way out. And only three other people above where that happened survived. There's this whole thing called third person, which I had never heard about. That to me, that's a road angel. And it's gotta be, that's insane. I love that. I'll tell you. So I was doing comedy way upstate, at this really fun little town. It was a firehouse that had been converted into a theater and it was a Valentine's Day thing. And it was three female comedians. You can always tell people are ready to have fun when they're dressed up and they have jewelry on. It's this was their big night, right? So we had a great show. Everybody had a great set. It was really fun. And the next day was Valentine's day. And I had given the other one of the other comics a ride up in my mini Cooper. I used to have a two door black mini Cooper. And the next day I was doing my coffee, did a little yoga. And we both said, let's go back early. Cause it's Valentine's day. She wanted to be with her husband. And it's 9:00 AM on a Sunday So thank God I have my coffee. And you always see those signs, bridge may be icy, right?. We hit this bridge and I'm going 65 and all of a sudden we are spinning. And I remember my dad used to always say, never put your foot on the brake. Turn Into the turn. Yep. Turn into the spin. And I swear to God, Steve McQueen came and took over. And luckily I had both hands on the wheel, so I'm like turning into the spin and then turning into the spin. We spun six times and I just kept turning into the spin, and I was slowly, I was easing my foot off. And then we, by the time we got to the end of the bridge, I had regained control. Meanwhile, my passenger is Oh my God. She is freaking out. So I pull over and we're both my God, like what just happened? What just happened? And I was okay. So I'm. I'm going to go slower, even though we're both in a hurry, I'm going to go slower on the way back because slower is better than dead, and and and so we, I went much slower the rest of the way and we saw eight wrecks on the way back down. Cause it was way upstate. So it was a five hour thing. And. I really think I had Steve McQueen and or my dad in the car with me because I've never taken Fancy driving lessons, but you know somehow I knew what to do and I was able to regain control Cause everybody else was like in the ditch or in the rail or had run into another car. We saw it. And I was so grateful because I didn't want to hurt my friend either, and then when we got back to New York, my agent was like, what the hell happened? Vicky said, she's got whiplash. It was intense. But with the, with the road angel thing, right? With that, I was turning into the spin as well. I took my foot off and I just was, going into the turn and however it was spinning, that's how I had the car angled and it was just the craziest thing. And that's amazing. And I still see his face. I still see the car. It's like one of those things that just stays with you. Yeah. But thank God you, you were, see, somebody's watching out for us. I know. When I think about, I had lots of substance abuse issues. I was putting my first diet in the first grade and was bulimic and then found drugs and alcohol and boys All the things. And I'm, I had, three addictions and I'm so lucky to be alive. I just celebrated 24 years, which is crazy to me. Congratulations. That's amazing. It was so funny. I was because I had never invited my sister because, I'm usually on the East coast, but I'm currently in Dallas. And so I asked her if she would come and give me my coin. 24 years, she was this is the first meeting I've ever been to. And it was raucous. It was joyful. There were people there celebrating 30 days and 36 years. And it is like a warm bath of love. These anniversary meetings are such a beautiful thing. I used to not celebrate. Cause I was whatever. And people said, Elaine, it's not about you. It's about showing others, right? I was making me stuff about me and They said, when you celebrate it shows other people that they can do it to one day at a time. And once I realized, Oh, it's not about me, then I celebrate every year wherever I can, whether, sometimes I'm upstate, sometimes I'm in a foreign country at the end of August, you never know where you're going to be, but it was so cool. To get for her to say what she said, then give me my coin and, I'm just so grateful to be alive. We've both been through it, when you're assaulted at a young age, I don't think you realize how much that. We'll mess with you. And then unfortunately, I think once that has happened to you, you're like a beep for other predators. And it's an energetic thing. And at least in my experience, I spoke on this topic for years on college campuses and thank God more and more people are talking about it because unfortunately it is so common. We're so lucky to be alive. And, I was, you're so generous. the first time I met you, you sent me a client, like I was Who is this woman? I know you have a podcast and I'm sorry I sent you her, No, it's, I thought you were, Hey, you know what? We all live and learn. Some clients become intimate dear friends, and some clients, you're like, okay, we're done, Yeah. And I fired her too. I was like no. Yeah. You know what? It's okay. Some people think they're coachable and they're actually not, yes. It's of the journey. Percent correct. On it. I want to hear about what you're doing now, tell us about Gasto creative for people who don't know what you do. Tell So we are all in one marketing solutions for service based business. And when I say all in one marketing solutions, it's where the company that you come to when you don't want to deal with 20 different people to get your marketing done. Yeah. So if you need a website, if you need SEO, if you need social media, if you need branding, design if you need trade show setups, if you need. Where's my little, all the things like, chachki is right. Promotional, we do it all and we do it all. It started because one of my clients needed all of the services and I, I have experience in all of it. And so she was like, can you do that? And I went. Yeah, actually I can. And then I realized that if she needed it, probably other companies needed it. And we don't do, if somebody like you don't have to do all the things, like if you need a website and SEO, we'll do that. If you need, social media, we'll do that. But mainly, it's websites, SEO, podcast production and video production are four core services. And then everything else just falls down. I love it. I love it. And. And you have a great podcast. It's been going for a couple of years now. Yeah. The cookbook recipes for success in business and marketing or it's recipes. I think I, I say recipes for success in business and marketing. Yes, it's the cookbook recipes for success and business and marketing. And it is about entrepreneurship. And it is. For people who are thinking about becoming entrepreneurs, people who are entrepreneurs, seasoned entrepreneurs, and also the C suite because a lot of people in the C suite are thinking of leaving the C suite to become an entrepreneur, right? I it's my passion project. I love it. And it's, it is about the journey, right? So we talked about, your journey, you're my first guest the journey to entrepreneurship. We talk about how overnight success takes about 10 years, 10 years. Yeah. That entrepreneurship is not for the weak of heart. Yes. Oh, I love that. I love that so much. Yes. It's it's so up and down and for years I had a training corporate job at a restaurant and I would do all these other things on this side. And then when I finally took the leap, woo, it was, I kept thinking, Oh my God, I should do this first. No, I should do, I was like a dog chasing my tail. I didn't know how to work, I was used to I've got an hour and all of a sudden here I had all this time, that's been quite an, a slow evolution for myself. Before I forget, I want to say a couple of things about the story that you told, because you are a great storyteller, Iris. So when you were talking about that road angel guy, you really painted the picture. You painted even if we don't know Long Island, we saw all the highways and the freeways and the overpass. We all have a vision of that. And then the rain, and then the spinning and the out of control and then how magically all the traffic stopped, I saw that I was totally with you. And then all of a sudden, This guy is in your car, what the hell, right? And I just, it's a beautiful story and I'm sure you've told it many times, but keep telling it because it's, I think we all have a version of that. You haven't. Okay. I don't, it's so fun. Whenever we talk, something new comes out, right? It's you'll remember something that happened. I'll remember. And that's what happened because, to me, that was one of the, that was one of those moments, right? We have moments in our lives and that I'm going to get like for clamped, but that was one of the moments that I believe I was saved to be able to do what I'm doing. And there, there were three moments like that, but that was I think one of the most significant because I should have been easily dead, hit by 30 cars easily. So that was super pivotal for me and it was, after I saw Sister Amy and. She told me what it was. And I remember being up on the roof and I'm walking on the roof and I'm doing stuff and then I'm okay, just because he saved your ass on the road, doesn't mean you're not going to fall off the roof because I was acting like I'm invincible and I'm not and it was it raining? We were on the roof when it was raining. Cause I was stop raining. So by the time it was so I'm telling you, this was so crazy. By the time I got to her. So if you No Long Island at all and New Yorkers, right? You're on Southern State West and then you're getting on Meadowbrook. And then you're getting on Meadowbrook East. So you're going, on this circle. And by the time I get lost every time, just, I'm just saying Long Island has always been my time. It's torrentially raining and by the time I get to Sunrise Highway, it ain't raining anymore. And by the time I get to her, it's sunny. Wow. So the roof was a little wet, but. It wasn't raining anymore. And I didn't even think about that until you said that, but yeah, no, it's right. That makes it even more freaking crazy. And here's my other question. Did you fix the antenna? Of course I did. Of course you did. Even though you had no training. I love it. I love it. You're just, it just, one of the thingies was bent. So she had to buy a new thing. So I just had a, so I just had to like, take the old thing off. She had to turn the electricity off, but I had to take the old thing off, put the new thing in, reconnected and. And there you go. I love it. And that's how you do. I feel like that's what you just do. What needs to get done. Let's roll up our sleeves and get it done. A hundred percent. And I do that in my business as well. My clients laugh because they're we need to get this, and this done. I'm like, okay. And we get it done. My wife last laughs and says, my name is Iris. I get shit done. Goldfeder. And my, and those are ISG. So it's IGS. Oh, that's funny. I love it. Iris, if people want to know more about you, if they want to come listen to your fabulous fun podcast, tell them where to go. You want me to tell you where to go? Okay. Apple Vimeo, it's called it's called gastro creative presents the cookbook recipes for success in business and marketing. We're just taking the gastro piece off, but it is called the cookbook. It is on all the places You could find me at gas stove, creative. com. That's two words. Three words, actually. Gas stove is two words other than creative. I'm on LinkedIn, Iris Goldfeder. I'm on all the socials, Instagram Facebook, you can always, find me. I'm very findable. And if you Google my name, a whole bunch of music is going to come up. Okay, wait, what I did. I knew that you sang, tell me about the musician part. I've been in like different bands. So there's a lot of video of me in my different bands. On, if you Google my name it'll come up. If you go on YouTube, it'll come up. And I just auditioned for a band. On Tuesday and they said they'd let me know and then they called me an hour later and said, we want you. So I'm in a new band. Okay. The band is called the infringements and we're local in Lafayette, Indiana. Come check us out. I'm super excited. And their values align with mine, which is amazing because to find a band in Lafayette, Indiana, whose values align with mine is extremely difficult. But but you did it. They found me. I didn't do anything. I literally was sitting here in the universe was like, okay, it's time. And I went, it's time. That's so cool. Okay. I love it. Iris. And if you had one parting thought to tell people whether they're thinking of leaving corporate or they're in the middle or they're beginning, what is something you wish you had known or that you feel like everybody needs to know? It's so funny because I asked that question on my podcast and I've we're almost at a hundred episodes. And so I have all of this stuff in my head from other people, make sure that you've done research, that there's a need in the market for what you want to do. Then the last thing I'm going to say is if you can stay in your job and save money, do that, because if you have to look for capital, it, it makes it extremely stressful. And then you don't know where your next meal is coming from. You don't know where, your next client's coming from. If you Have the capital. If you have your own money it makes it a lot easier. So if you could stay, hang in there, stay. And if it's something that you have to do out of necessity, do it and find a mentor who is in the same area, the same field that you want to be in so that you don't have to go it alone. I love it. I love it. Yes. I've seen so many people yes. We want to know your story and we want to be creative and all that stuff, but you need to test the market I've seen people spend years writing a book, fixing a website, building all the things before they even have one client. I always tell my new people, get a practice client today because you're going to learn so much and it's going to help you remember, Oh, I do love to coach and it's going to help you It's just one of the best ways Yeah, it's, it can be hard to hang in there, but, and it's exciting when you finally take the leap, but it's better if you already have some stuff going. It's rewarding. It's all about the journey, right? So it's going to be, I don't say that we ever fail at anything. I say first attempt in learning. And I, I don't believe that we ever fail. Just keep trying, don't give up. I love it. You were meant to do it. So I love it. Don't give up. Yeah. And the, just the overnight success, Chapel Rowan is my new musical crush. I'm in love with her and her music and everything. And, she's I've been at this for 10 years. It was time, and Sheryl Crow, when she got the newcomer award, she was thank you. And I've been running around LA for 10 years. I have goosebumps. wherever you are. The only person you should be comparing yourself to is you. And we never know, and your beginning or messy middle, don't compare that to somebody else who's in the final thing or who's been doing it longer or whatever. Thank you, Iris. This has been so much fun. It has. Thank you so much for having me. I'm super excited for your new podcast and I'm honored to be the first guest thank you so much. Thanks for tuning in everybody. If you love this, please subscribe, rate and review cause it really helps and go check out her podcast too and have an awesome day. Bye everybody.